I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
