my mouth tastes like poor choices
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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