I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
