It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
