CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
