Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
