I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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