new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone shattered a urinal.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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