I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
