wrigley field is MILF paradise
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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