Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hippo gnu deer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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