I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
