You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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