Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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