He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
