don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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