I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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