I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
