I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
