Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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