Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
