I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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