lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
