I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
