bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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