hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
