i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
