So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
