If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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