I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
