this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
