My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
