dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
As shirtless as possible
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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