so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
