I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize