I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
