if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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