Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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