Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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