just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
