Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
