I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize