nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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