He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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