Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
