Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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