dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
did you just send me my own nude
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize