Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
