I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can you bring me the toilet please
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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