Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
