I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize