I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
