I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
