My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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