dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
