I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
