Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
