I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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