my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
