dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize