Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
