I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
