lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
