do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
