Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
