you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
