You're so nebulous sometimes
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
