I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
