So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
