So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He kissed a someone with a penis
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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