I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
