my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize