this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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