It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
