the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize