Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize