You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
