Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
