So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
