Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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