And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
