Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
