ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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