My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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