Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
