Walk of Shame. In a state park.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
