TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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