your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
