yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
