my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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