thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
