My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
