He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
