How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize