I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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