The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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