Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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