your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Maybe he injected his testicle?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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