I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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