I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
