you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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