People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
