Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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