I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
