i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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