I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
