My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
