thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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