I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize