Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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