I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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