I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
